“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - A. Lincoln

I usually spend New Year’s Day reviewing the highs and lows of the previous year and determining what lessons they taught or insights I gained.

As I looked at the exceptionally-rough year, I couldn’t see any lessons.

It seemed it was a hard year due to bad luck. A string of unavoidable failures that had nothing to do with my inputs.

Then I noticed something. All the painful experiences I listed were after a car accident in April. The accident, in no way my fault, could easily have been fatal for me and my daughter, but we walked away, without a scratch.

That accident snapped into focus how precious and unpredictable life is, how lucky my daughter and I were, and how easily life could have been forever changed.

But we had a chance for it to be the same with the bonus of having my priorities resorted. I felt very grateful and thought I had processed it well.

So why does every negative memory I have from 2024 come after April 28th? Because my focus changed. Now I was afraid. If life can be taken at any time through no fault of mine, the only option I saw was to be even more vigilant. I had to constantly check that rear-view mirror for a truck barreling up on us at 100 miles an hour. I couldn’t allow us to be blindsided again.

I had a lot of successes after April, and there were failures prior to April, but neither stand out. What I remember and feel are the disappointing outcomes that I had no part in, because each one served to verify that my hope and expectations can be shattered at any time, and I have no control. I lost a sense of agency and I lost hope of regaining it.

One of my favorite quotes is “What you focus on determines what you see”. - J. B. Peterson

I realized some years ago that “Pain is a messenger - don’t ignore it, don’t silence it, don’t kill it. Listen, it’s telling you something you need to know.”

Chronic fear is a messenger too, and I should treat it as such.

Interestingly, I did not recognize that I was living in fear until I looked at my Favorite and Painful memories lists and saw the pattern.

So, it turns out there is a lot to learn from this past year.

I don’t know what is ahead, but I do know that I can choose how to respond to it.

I will take in and enjoy the unpredictable pleasures - like the three tiny mice happily nesting and playing in clear shoe-bins on the kitchen bar.

(They politely refused release into the wild.)

I will notice and appreciate successes that I do have a part in creating.

I will continue to experiment and fail because they are elements in the learning process.

I will expect disappointment and know sometimes things happen where the only thing I can regulate is my response.

I will scan, but I will mindfully regulate my focus.

I will listen to pain and fear, and respond, not react.

Lincoln said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

So, here’s to directing the adventure and life you want in this New Year!